I know that today is Earth Day and it seems that most people are concerned about the earth these days... so am I. It seems that as long as I can remember my dad started recycling... even buying me a can crusher for Christmas one year. But another day has become more important to me these days... Good Friday.
I am a new Christian and have found great peace in knowing that God loves me and sent his only son to pay for my sins. I am overjoyed that he has touched my families life and I want to share it with my friends and family. Tonight my husband and I are attending the Good Friday services at Emmanuel Faith Community Church in Escondido. The pastor has asked us to share our testimonies with the gathering tonight... and I am nervous. Speaking in front of large groups is not my cup of tea but what if someone out there was like me and needs to hear my story? So before I share it tonight I have decided to share it with you.
My Testimony
I did not grow up in a Christian home. I grew up in a loving home that taught me about love, family and being a good person. I attended a Presbyterian Church school from kindergarten through second grade and then made the transition to pubic school. I remember going to chapel in school and I did not like it at all... but then again God and Jesus were not big topics in my home. God was not shunned but not the focus either.
As I grew up I began to question just like every other kid in the world. When I got to junior high I became friends with a girl who grew up in a very Christian home. She attend a youth group on Wednesday nights... and me wanting to hang out with my best friend started attending church. The only thing it did was present me with even more questions. I needed proof... physical proof in order to believe. But was given none. My best friends mom even offered to have a private bible study with her daughter and I.
It started off great. I thought I would be the "smart" teenager and ask the hard questions... abortion and gays. I do not recall what we actually talked about and I think looking back that that was part of my journey. I was only to be exposed to it and it wasn't my time. I started to believe that I didn't need church nor faith in order to go to heaven. I only needed to be a good person... and that's the point, right?
Treat others and you would like to be treated... I was a good kid and I figured that would be enough. Throughout high school and college I never gave much attention to religion or spirituality. I did start to explore Buddhism with my ex-husband and found great power in the belief that all things are connected. I loved the focus on family and relating to others but it never felt right.
It seems that 2004 was the start of my path toward God. My father got diagnosed with cancer. My dog of 18 years passed away. I lost my grandfather to prostate cancer. I got divorced. Then I lost my other grandfather. It was a rough time... it seems that all the men in my life were being slowly taken away. And if things couldn't get any worse my father died in May 2005 and then his brother was diagnosed by the very cancer that killed my dad and their two sisters. In my eyes, God turned his back on us.
Then life started to turn around. I met Hermann while working at Starbucks. For me it was instant... I knew I loved him right from the start. We started living together in 2007 and within days found out we were having our first child. We had our first son in December 2007 and our second son in January 2010... suddenly religion became even more important. Hermann's aunt became a Christian and it made me start to question God all over again.
I decided that it was time to rent
The Passion of the Christ. I had heard a lot about this movie but didn't really know what to expect. As I watched I began overcome with emotion. If nothing just from a human stance that someone endured all that he did and never had any hatred toward the people who did it. People tell you of what Jesus endured during his last hours but when you actually see what was done and how it was done... it just broke my heart. I needed to know more.
My husband and I spent many late nights discussing different religions and searching for churches in our area. It seems that we were both ready to give it a try. But it wasn't until September 2010 that we actually went to church. We never really discussed going but we just went to be the night before and decided that we were going to go the next day. We had often came up with a ton of excuses of why not to go and I don't know if we ran out of excuses or what but it just seemed like the right time.
I remember walking in to church and feeling completely out of place. It wasn't until about our 4th or 5th Sunday that I began to feel a strange calm come over me. My older son was talking about God and how he made the whole world and it didn't make me mad (like it used to) instead I was overjoyed that he and his brother will grow up with God's love. A few months after going to church and seeing the great impact it was having on my children I accepted God into my heart... and that was the best decision that I have ever made.
I feel that I am raising my children better now then I ever did. I am giving them God's love and letting them know his love every day. I appreciate things more now than I ever did. I am at peace and am so happy that I get to spend eternity with my husband and my children. When I look back on it I believe that God has given me back the men in my life. I have an amazing husband and two sons that I absolutely adore.
My husband and I plan to be baptized this year. God's love has blessed my family and I couldn't be more happy.